July 18, 2011

Bravey Potter and the Magic Ted

Harry Potter is over?  Man, I remember when I saw the first book in the store and thought “what is this?”  Once it gained a little steam, I read the first book.  Luckily for me, the second book was already out, so I was able to read both back to back.  WRAP!  I was hooked.  Even as an adult, the Harry Potter series was one of the most enjoyable reading experiences of my life.  And I hate to read.  Now the last movie is out and it’s coming to a close.  I felt like the occasion was a good opportunity to make some Braves comparisons.  Excited yet?  I’ve plucked some characters from the series and given them a Bravos feel.  So put on your sorting hat and get on that broom.  Cause the race to the Quidditch Championship (World Series) begins in earnest now and the Braves need all the right spells to make it happen.

Severus Snape – Bobby Cox.  Nobody saw this coming, right?  Hold on and hear me out.  The thing that Snape and Bobby (or Severus Cox as he might be called) have in common is knowing what WE don’t know.  When he was starting McLouth when no one else thought that was a good idea or trying to give Manny Acosta ONE more chance to prove himself…we screamed at the TV because we didn’t know why.  But give the guy credit; he won with ALL sorts of lineups and rag tag groups of players.  There were a bunch of situations where we thought Bobby’s moves were pure evil (ride the bench Ron Gant).  But take a step back, get all the info and THEN judge.  His motives were for a bigger, much nobler purpose.  So while the guy drove us crazy sometimes, he truly had the best of intentions.  And all those winning seasons should tell us that he’s not a bad wizard at all.  Just misunderstood.

Death Eaters – All New York Yankee players.  I know the line of teams that have fallen victim to the Bombers is long and distinguished (to quote Maverick from Top Gun), but the Braves may have had one of the worst defeats.  Out of the last 14 teams to go up 2-0 in the World Series, only ONE has not won the fall classic.  The1996 Atlanta Braves.  If you close your eyes, you can envision Jim Leyritz floating out to the mound and sucking the soul out of Mark Wohlers (good guy with bad luck that night).  And for good measure, throw in the Mets as death eaters as well.  I’m sure there were some total incompetent, silly, less talented death eaters that were assigned to lesser evils like making it foggy at Hogwarts or moving people’s keys, etc…

Harry Potter – Brian McCann.  This could have been a few different guys (Tom Glavine, Greg Maddux and Dale Murphy come to mind), but I feel like Mac is comparable to the Boy who Lived.  When we first met him, he lived under the stairs (the stairs being Francoeur’s shadow).  But we saw a quick flash of his skill and power (HR off of Roger Clemons).  He reluctantly took over al leadership role when other/older players didn’t want the responsibility (cough, cough…Chipper Jones, the Braves Hogwarts’ Prefect).  He came into his own when times got tough (Frenchy left, playoff drought, Bobby retired).  And now is a full blooded baseball wizard (he passed all his O.W.L.S.) that can go toe to toe with anyone (All Star MVP, 6 time All Star, multiple Silver Slugger winner).  And he even has his own scar (premature baldness).  But the bald head with the beard is magical.  It only enhances his swagger as our Tri Wizard Champion…umm, I mean…the best catcher in MLB.

Dumbledore – John Schuerholz.  Too easy?  This guy is the “Wizard of Peachtree”.  If The Ted is Hogwarts, then JS is the headmaster.  He’s pulled off so many magic moves you’d think he’s doing that thing where Hermione could be at two places at once.  Schuerholz has put together an organization that runs smoother than a 1st year’s potions class.  Even when things look dark, this wizard throws up a Tomahawk shaped Patronus Spell and saves the day.  If he just wouldn’t have traded for Mark Teixeira (got caught up in dark magic by mistake).

Lord Voldemort – I’m not sure on this one.  Someone who turned to pure evil and tries to rule the planet with a dark, sinister, malodorous magic?  Man, that list is SUPER long.  I’d LOVE to hear your ideas.  Some that come to mind for me:

1.     Northeast worldwide leader of sports media outlets - (one in Connecticut comes to mind…let’s call it ESAN (Evil Sports Azkaban Network).

2.     Rival organizations/cities – Philly/Phillies, New York/Mets, New York/Yankees just to start.  I know this seems harsh, but, I MUST NOT TELL LIES! Actually, let’s throw all MLB teams in there, except the Cubs.  They’re the Dudley Dursley of the Major Leagues.  The little chubby team that just can’t get out of their own way.

3.    Carpetbagger Fans at the Ted – Really?  You move down here, eat our food, marry our women, get educated in our schools and make a life/living here.  And you can’t even get behind OUR teams.  Is your love for Philadelphia that great?  You were smart enough to move from the “Forbidden Forrest”.  Do yourself a favor and root for the good guys.  Staying a Mets fan once you move to Atlanta is like getting to Hogwarts and making Draco Malfoy your BFF.  Bad move, Slytherin House.

4.    People who order three soft tacos at Chipotle – Seriously?  Those take way too much time to make and I’m in a hurry!  Also, if you get behind someone with a little sheet of paper…RUN!  They are ordering burritos for 7 people and they’re paying separately for all of them.  PURE EVIL, I tell you!

Well, Harry Potter is coming to an end.  But it will always be a part of pop culture.  So do yourself a solid and be a part of “Braves Culture”.  It’s pure magic.

If you want more of my shenanigans during the week, follow me on If you want more of my shenanigans during the week, follow me on Twitter @yourdailyvinnie.  Thanks!

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