June 07, 2011

You Look Marvelous!

I’m dating myself a bit, but anyone else remember the Saturday Night Live Fernando Lamas character?  He’s the guy that used to say, “You look Marvelous”.  Billy Crystal’s character on SNL said “it’s better to look good than to feel good”.  I truly believe there’s some merit to that.  When I go play golf, I need to have it tight. Bag, towel, hat, shoes, everything.   At the gym, gotta have the perfect athletic attire to get the cardio going.  In watching ANY kind of sport, this is even more important to me.  If I don’t like the uniform, I can’t get into that team.  I know it’s stupid…but so were the Arizona Diamondbacks first uniforms.  I sincerely feel bad for Rockies fans.  Yea, that purple and black cap looks sooooo sweet!!!  On that note, Orange and Purple are only surpassed by Teal for worst team colors.  So bad news, Clemson…y’all really, really suck.  But the uniform IS a part of the experience.  When I saw players like Ron Cey or Steve Garvey and how they looked in their uniforms. It was pretty cool.  Neat, clean, creased uniforms.  Hats you could set your watch to (for you younger people, watches are what we older people wear to check the time.  We don’t look at the clock on our cell phone).

A few weeks ago, the Braves wore what I feel is their BEST uniform they’ve ever had.  The color scheme, the little ‘a’, the feather on the sleeve, the typeset on the player names.  Everything.  Simply an awesome look.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think the uniforms they currently wear are great.  They’re classic, harkens back to tradition, simple, with a flair.  The red detail on the belt loops and the piping going down the chest of the buttons is pretty sweet.  So here’s how I rank their uniforms from 1966 to current from worst to first (just like 1991, baby) listed by year introduced.

2005, red jersey with white pants – Simply horrible.  This is what it looks like if a porn shop had a softball team.  It has no flow to it, no cache, absolutely no redeeming value to it at all.  And it’s not that they’re simply repulsive.  It just looks like something the Marlins, Rays or Rockies would do.  Hey, we have no tradition, so let’s just do something crazy to sell some merchandise.  Totally lame.  Come on Braves, you’re better than that.

1966, Braves script with no tomahawk – In lieu of the uniform having its own unique style, the Tomahawk HAS to be part of the Braves uniform.  The Tomahawk dates back to 1948 and MUST be a part of the Atlanta uniform scheme unless you have another logo or style to replace it that’s much more hip.  The tomahawk symbolizes the Braves organization as much as ANY other logo in MLB (except for the NY of the Yankees…just can’t compete with that).

1980, Baby Blue road uniform - OK.  You either love these or HATE them with a passion.  I love them WITH a passion.  That blue was such a part of so many teams of that era.  It’s kinda hard to hate them if you grew up with them.  It’s like the White Sox “crazy shorts” uniforms or the wacky Astros with the orange stripe look.  Dale Murphy just wouldn’t look the same in today’s uni.  He HAS to be wearing that dashing blue outfit.  Gotta be.

1987, Current design of Braves script with Tomahawk logo – This is such a great uniform.  When you look around not only MLB, but all sports, you see an abomination of color schemes, stupid logos, and transparent attempts to go retro/classic.  This is a uniform that stands the test of time.  This style goes back to around 1948.  And they took some details from even further back.  The classic button down shirt, Tomahawk, piping, black belt.  This is what a uniform should look like.  Unlike some current items across sports like:

1.        Baltimore Ravens stupid helmet logo.  They need to replace it with handcuffs and the phone number to the city’s best bail bonding company.

2.       The Jacksonville Jags and Carolina Panthers uniforms and colors.  Yuck.  Next.

3.       Toronto Raptors.  The entire concept stinks.  Logo, uniforms, mascot.  It’s an injustice to one of “America’s toupee” greatest cities.

4.       Seattle Mariners and Florida Marlins and the color teal.  What the hell?  Tampa and Arizona had the good grace to dispose of that horrid color.  You both need to do the same.  Teal is the color of hospital bedpans, not uniforms.

5.       New England Patriots logo.  It looks like the Arena Football League and the Fat Elvis had a baby.  Just dumb and tacky.  The USFL didn’t have logos that bad.

6.       New York Mets 19 different uniforms looks.  Good grief!  Their uniforms have more combinations than the La Fiesta lunch menu.  What do they call the black jersey with white pants and black/blue/orange caps?  The #4 dinner portion Speedy Gonzales?  For the love of Bernie Madoff…pick a couple and stick to it.

7.       Cleveland Browns.  Really?  There’s NO WAY anyone can sell me on that uniform.  It may be the worst thing I’ve ever seen and the most uninventive, boring, lame uniform in sports.  But if they were designing the Browns uniform to illustrate the city of Cleveland in a single look…they actually did their job really well.

Ok…back to the Braves.  The NUMBER 1 Atlanta Braves uniform in history is:

1974, white and blue with small ‘a’ and feather on sleeve – For all the things I’ve said earlier, this one is so stupendous.  I mean, when you saw the Braves and Phillies in that Day game and they were both wearing this era’s uniform, didn’t you sigh just a little?  Didn’t you say to yourself “dang, they need to wear these more often.”  I don’t want them to go back to these full time.  It would diminish the coolness.  But I want to propose that the Braves make this their Sunday uniform. Frank Wren, if you’re listening, make it so!  Since you’re not too busy getting us some offensive help, you can take care of this, right?

If you want more of my shenanigans during the week, follow me on If you want more of my shenanigans during the week, follow me on Twitter @yourdailyvinnie.  Thanks!

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3 Responses to “You Look Marvelous!”

  1. 1
    COACH Says:

    Vinnie
    How about the Pittsburgh Pirates’ 1960′s era sleeveless unis? Don’t mean to
    dwell on PGH, but how about the Stillers helmets with logo on one side? Can
    they make your list? Miami Dolphins also have teal. Your columns are
    great–keep up the good work!!!!

  2. 2
    Vinnie Says:

    Thanks, Coach! You’re right…the Dolphins have orange AND Teal and they’re one of the coolest teams in the NFL. Always an exception to the rule…look at the Vikings. Anything more awesome thet the Purple People Eaters?

  3. 3
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